The Transforming Quality of Change

As I sit in a dorm room at Creighton University (in Omaha, Nebraska) beginning a 10 week spirituality program for diocesan seminarians, I am struck with how time flies and concerns we had one day that seem so important become distant memories the next. The last few weeks of school were full of tests, papers, and readings which kept me very busy and slightly stressed. I finished strong academically and the end of finals week was dedicated to moving out of our rooms and attending graduation Mass for all of those who finished the philosophy and theology program at Saint Meinrad. The theology graduates are either preparing for or have been ordained to the priesthood this summer. I left Saint Meinrad and began a week long family vacation which was quite different from the hectic schedule of seminary life. After relaxing and enjoying time with family, I attended the powerful ordination of now Fr. Mauricio Carrasco, Fr. Alejandro Puello, and Fr. Juan Manjarrez who I got to know through my year at the seminary.

The next day, three fellow diocesan seminarians and I drove up to Omaha, Nebraska for a program put on by the Institute of Priestly Formation (I.P.F.). The goal of I.P.F. is to help diocesan seminarians form a spirituality that will make their ministry as priest more fruitful. The main goal for the summer is to help foster the development of the seminarian’s relationship with Christ in a way that is both intimate and unceasing. This intimate relationship with Christ is the foundation that allows us to be lead by His will and make Christ a physical reality in a world that yearns for his presence. We will be learning the spirituality of St. Ignatius and applying what we learn to our prayer life. This way of looking at our prayer life is rooted in the unique way in which Christ loves each of us and our experience of Him in our daily life.

Tomorrow I will be beginning an eight day silent retreat. I know it will be difficult not only because of the silence, but because I will be taking a deep look at myself and my relationship with God. I am excited about the experience and I know it will be a fruitful time of detachment from worldly goods and connection with God.

Showing up at Creighton University a few days ago made me realize how difficult change can be. I am the type of person who loves new experiences, but the love I have for them is always in hindsight. I seem to have a few days at the beginning in which my desire is to be very selfish with my time. I don’t want to open up to new people and I can even be skeptical. For me, this is a natural response to change. Soon I get comfortable in my new surroundings and I begin to enjoy my time in a new place. This has happened when I first started going to Catholic Campus ministry, during Mission Trips, when I first entered the seminary, and most recently here at I.P.F. I have already begun to open up here in Omaha and I am enjoying my time with such a variety of seminarians around the country (171 total). I am becoming aware of the vulnerability that is present in change. This vulnerability seems like a very negative part of my life but without it I would not be experiencing new things and it would be more difficult to see how God is at work in my life.

I believe reflection is the key to making sense of the constant changes in our life. We can be too busy in our technological culture to take time to reflect. But it is in this reflection that we improve ourselves and become aware of gifts in our lives we would have missed otherwise. Reflection is a springboard for genuine prayer. Through reflection we become aware that God works in our lives and this is the invitation to let God know how we truly feel… to be honest about our frustration with Him or others, thankful for His gifts and His love for us, or merely to tell our Creator the parts of our life that mean so much to us. Even though I don’t feel intimately connected with Him every day I know that he loves us and is overjoyed each time we speak to Him and attempt to listen to Him.

Mock Homily -- Our Lady of Sorrows (Sept. 15th)

This was the final for my Mary in the Lirturgy class. We each took a Marian feast day according to the liturgical year and had assignments, pertaining to our particular day, to complete during the semester. Each assignment helped us to provide a homily appropriate for that day. My day was Our Lady of Sorrows which I have come to appreciate in a new way. So here it is:

HOMILY

Don’t you want to be happy? Isn’t that what we are all striving for in this life? This is why we have so many bars, dance clubs, golf courses, churches, movie theaters… and the list goes on and on. It is not wrong to look for joy. This is part of the human condition and this is what God wants for each and every one of us. Every sin we commit is just a misguided attempt to obtain happiness that we so desperately desire. But it becomes a sin because we are trying to obtain this happiness by our own doing… we are trying to steal something that God is wanting to give to us freely.

One may ask: What is the reason that we have to deal with the pains, suffering, and negative effects of life when the almighty, powerful God wants us to be eternally happy?

An example which was recently revealed in my relationship with my Father may clear up this question:

As a child any time I would put a mint in my mouth he would always, without hesitation, say “bite that thing in half”. Nothing would make me so infuriated as a child. It upset me so much because I just wanted to enjoy sucking on the mint until it dissolved in my mouth and each time I had bite it in half I could not resist the urge to chew on it until within a few seconds the fun was over. Now as a child my point of view was “my dad was trying to show his authority by making me do what he wanted even in the smallest act of eating a mint.” I thought he was on a power trip. I believed his motives were mean-spirited and he was trying to purposely ruin all fun in my life. (I know I was a melodramatic child). However recently I realized that my dad was driven by the fear that I would choke and die. He would not allow the possibility of losing his child from something that he could prevent by simply saying “bite that in half”. He was driven by love and no protest of mine would hinder it and I was obedient to him every time even if I disliked it.

In the first reading, we reflect on Jesus in the flesh, particularly in his passion and death. This is the cosmic and perfect example of a son listening to his father even though it would cost him everything. Jesus is our only HOPE and source of eternal salvation and yet he was driven to immense sorrow. The Son of God, the one made perfect, suffered immensely and yet he did so because He loved his father. Jesus Christ, son of Mary, also knew happiness… but not the happiness or the joy we typically think of. He knew the profound happiness that demands obedience and sacrifice and leads to suffering. He knew that suffering would make him perfect and He offered this suffering to the only One who could save Him from death … His loving Father. He sacrificed the rewards of immediate, selfish, fleeting joy for everlasting, infinite happiness that is given through grace to all mankind. He understood that the negative aspects of life can be endured and offered up because God has eternal happiness in mind for Him.

Today we reflect on the Sorrow of Mary. This is a difficult memorial because we typically do not like to reflect on the sadness that Mary felt in her life. Yet in her lifetime Simeon prophesied that she would have to suffer greatly and this is evident we reflect on her life. She had to escape to Egypt with her newborn baby because King Herod wanted to kill Him and she must have tried to comprehend why someone would want to kill her defenseless baby. She was also brought to sorrow when she lost the Son of God somewhere in Jerusalem when he was only a child. And finally we are brought to the climax of human history… the crucifixion of Jesus. Mary had to witness her baby boy mistreated, abused, and killed even though she knew He was innocent. Yet in her lifetime she also has experienced joy and happiness. Emotions make us human.

Throughout her life she spent a lot of time with the Word of God and she knew it very well. The familiarity she found in the Word was eventually made flesh in her womb. Many times when raising Jesus she pondered in her heart what all of it meant. She continually spent time reflecting and meditating on the Word. She may not have known everything that she would suffer in her life, but she was familiar enough with the Word that she was able to follow the inspiration of God and act accordingly.

She followed Christ with great devotion and was at the foot of the Cross with Him at the end. The profound way in which she knew Christ made her sorrow that much more profound. She was the first disciple and a great example for us today. Nowadays an unbeliever could care less about Christ and would not think twice about how he was murdered, but one who is in an intimate relationship with Christ is sorrowful when reflecting on His passion even though we know that He rises from the dead on third day. All emotions are a gift from God. Emotions make life worth living. Striving to have happiness as our only emotion will eventually numb us from any emotion at all. The road to salvation is full of sorrow and struggle but if we are obedient to God we will be able to find the everlasting happiness that we all strive for in the deepness of our heart. So let us ask for the intercession of Mary, especially in the times that we are struggling and sad, and pray that we obtain the intimacy with Christ that she enjoyed. We can be confident that no matter what kind of sorrow and struggle that intimacy may entail God is preparing us a home in eternal life and in the mean time let us be sustained by the Eucharistic feast and give God thanks for all the emotions that we encounter in our lives.