Perfection and Productivity

I am a month into my first year of theology and I have mixed emotions. I am now studying something that I enjoy and that is important to me, but there is so much reading. A great Catholic theologian, Hans Urs van Balthazar, argues that in order to make the study of theology fruitful it must be a “kneeling theology” in which we begin study in prayer, struggle with theological concepts and issues in prayer, and end times of study in prayer. I am still struggling with how to connect my intellectual and spiritual life in this way precisely because I have kept them separated for so many years. Apart from classes, I have picked up a few hobbies that I have really begun to enjoy. This summer I began to make nylon rosaries, on returning to the seminary I have begun to do puzzles, and with some help I am dabbling in the art of making book origami (for reference : http://lilfishstudios.blogspot.com/2009/07/abc-book-origami-love.html). Overall, I am enjoying the transition from philosophy to theology.

Today I was finding it difficult to clear my mind in preparation for Mass. This is not a rare occurrence, but today I was feeling the pressure of impending papers, tests, meetings, and responsibilities. I found myself going over the hour by hour afternoon that would make me the most productive. I was constructing in my imagination the perfect afternoon of productivity and accomplishment. I am sitting here this evening to testify that reality does not work the way our imagination would like it. I am learning an important lesson though: the challenges and interruptions during the day are perfect times for God’s grace and love to reach us. God works in reality; not in our dream world of productivity and perfection. I have found myself many times writing possible posts for this blog only to scrap it because I feel like it wasn’t perfect enough. This evening going into prayer I dipped my hand in the holy water font, which I have done who knows how many times, and I was drawn to the ripple in the holy water that I caused. God wants me to make ripples in the life of others. I felt him pleading with me to make ripples in the life of others any way I know how. He is not asking for perfect, infallible ripples. He is asking me to act in the lives of others out of the love I have for Him (with my eyes focused on Him).

God does not desire my productivity. He desires my friendship. When I go into prayer to be productive, I am attempting to grow in the spiritual life without God. I am the seed that sprouts up fast, but is dies away when the heat of the sun shines relentlessly on it without deeply planted roots. God wants me to waste time with Him. He wants me to depend on Him in all of my actions. In the soil of no agendas or expectations, God is waiting to be with me and to grow with me. After many hours of prayer in His presence without expectations I begin to experience God as my foundation and then when my roots are deeply planted in Him I am able to sprout. In this fertile soil, my movements and growth in the spiritual life are directed by God and toward Him (which can take as little or as much time as possible). When I am experienced in this type of prayer, prayer of friendship and trust, I will stop trying to sprout on my own as much. As for now, I continually try to perfect myself and grow by my own accord, but God is patient and He sees that even though I lack dependence in Him I will get back up and try again as a result of His grace and love. 

A Third of the Way There! {God Willing}

As the summer draws to a close, I am beginning to notice the many transitions that have taken place since May. First, I recently completed my 2^nd year of philosophy at St. Meinrad seminary and graduated with a Masters of Arts in Catholic Philosophical Studies. Also, I was able to spend a month of the summer at my home parish (St. Joseph in Conway, AR) which was not only a needed time of rest, but an opportunity to experience and live out the day to day routine of a diocesan priest. Lastly, this August I will be starting my first year of theology at St. Meinrad. Our class will be adding over twenty-five new seminarians for the four year theology program. Yes, four more years then, God willing, I will be ordained a priest! That also means three years from now is my projected ordination as a transitional deacon. When looking at the four years that I have left I know that it will go by quickly, but I can’t help thinking that recent graduates of high school and I will both be graduating in 2017. This has made me reflect on the importance of discernment and formation in the years ahead. I have taken discernment seriously the past two years, but the transition into theology gives me a refreshed and renewed focus on growing closer to God and following His will for my life.

This past year I have experienced God's faithfulness and goodness in new ways and I can't wait to see what God has planned for me in the future. Please continue to pray for me and I thank you for the support and love you have shown me. Life has been good to me and as the summer wraps up I am becoming more aware of the many blessings in my life. I am very appreciative and I keep you in my prayers. 

With Christ,

William Burmester

The Transforming Quality of Change

As I sit in a dorm room at Creighton University (in Omaha, Nebraska) beginning a 10 week spirituality program for diocesan seminarians, I am struck with how time flies and concerns we had one day that seem so important become distant memories the next. The last few weeks of school were full of tests, papers, and readings which kept me very busy and slightly stressed. I finished strong academically and the end of finals week was dedicated to moving out of our rooms and attending graduation Mass for all of those who finished the philosophy and theology program at Saint Meinrad. The theology graduates are either preparing for or have been ordained to the priesthood this summer. I left Saint Meinrad and began a week long family vacation which was quite different from the hectic schedule of seminary life. After relaxing and enjoying time with family, I attended the powerful ordination of now Fr. Mauricio Carrasco, Fr. Alejandro Puello, and Fr. Juan Manjarrez who I got to know through my year at the seminary.

The next day, three fellow diocesan seminarians and I drove up to Omaha, Nebraska for a program put on by the Institute of Priestly Formation (I.P.F.). The goal of I.P.F. is to help diocesan seminarians form a spirituality that will make their ministry as priest more fruitful. The main goal for the summer is to help foster the development of the seminarian’s relationship with Christ in a way that is both intimate and unceasing. This intimate relationship with Christ is the foundation that allows us to be lead by His will and make Christ a physical reality in a world that yearns for his presence. We will be learning the spirituality of St. Ignatius and applying what we learn to our prayer life. This way of looking at our prayer life is rooted in the unique way in which Christ loves each of us and our experience of Him in our daily life.

Tomorrow I will be beginning an eight day silent retreat. I know it will be difficult not only because of the silence, but because I will be taking a deep look at myself and my relationship with God. I am excited about the experience and I know it will be a fruitful time of detachment from worldly goods and connection with God.

Showing up at Creighton University a few days ago made me realize how difficult change can be. I am the type of person who loves new experiences, but the love I have for them is always in hindsight. I seem to have a few days at the beginning in which my desire is to be very selfish with my time. I don’t want to open up to new people and I can even be skeptical. For me, this is a natural response to change. Soon I get comfortable in my new surroundings and I begin to enjoy my time in a new place. This has happened when I first started going to Catholic Campus ministry, during Mission Trips, when I first entered the seminary, and most recently here at I.P.F. I have already begun to open up here in Omaha and I am enjoying my time with such a variety of seminarians around the country (171 total). I am becoming aware of the vulnerability that is present in change. This vulnerability seems like a very negative part of my life but without it I would not be experiencing new things and it would be more difficult to see how God is at work in my life.

I believe reflection is the key to making sense of the constant changes in our life. We can be too busy in our technological culture to take time to reflect. But it is in this reflection that we improve ourselves and become aware of gifts in our lives we would have missed otherwise. Reflection is a springboard for genuine prayer. Through reflection we become aware that God works in our lives and this is the invitation to let God know how we truly feel… to be honest about our frustration with Him or others, thankful for His gifts and His love for us, or merely to tell our Creator the parts of our life that mean so much to us. Even though I don’t feel intimately connected with Him every day I know that he loves us and is overjoyed each time we speak to Him and attempt to listen to Him.

Mock Homily -- Our Lady of Sorrows (Sept. 15th)

This was the final for my Mary in the Lirturgy class. We each took a Marian feast day according to the liturgical year and had assignments, pertaining to our particular day, to complete during the semester. Each assignment helped us to provide a homily appropriate for that day. My day was Our Lady of Sorrows which I have come to appreciate in a new way. So here it is:

HOMILY

Don’t you want to be happy? Isn’t that what we are all striving for in this life? This is why we have so many bars, dance clubs, golf courses, churches, movie theaters… and the list goes on and on. It is not wrong to look for joy. This is part of the human condition and this is what God wants for each and every one of us. Every sin we commit is just a misguided attempt to obtain happiness that we so desperately desire. But it becomes a sin because we are trying to obtain this happiness by our own doing… we are trying to steal something that God is wanting to give to us freely.

One may ask: What is the reason that we have to deal with the pains, suffering, and negative effects of life when the almighty, powerful God wants us to be eternally happy?

An example which was recently revealed in my relationship with my Father may clear up this question:

As a child any time I would put a mint in my mouth he would always, without hesitation, say “bite that thing in half”. Nothing would make me so infuriated as a child. It upset me so much because I just wanted to enjoy sucking on the mint until it dissolved in my mouth and each time I had bite it in half I could not resist the urge to chew on it until within a few seconds the fun was over. Now as a child my point of view was “my dad was trying to show his authority by making me do what he wanted even in the smallest act of eating a mint.” I thought he was on a power trip. I believed his motives were mean-spirited and he was trying to purposely ruin all fun in my life. (I know I was a melodramatic child). However recently I realized that my dad was driven by the fear that I would choke and die. He would not allow the possibility of losing his child from something that he could prevent by simply saying “bite that in half”. He was driven by love and no protest of mine would hinder it and I was obedient to him every time even if I disliked it.

In the first reading, we reflect on Jesus in the flesh, particularly in his passion and death. This is the cosmic and perfect example of a son listening to his father even though it would cost him everything. Jesus is our only HOPE and source of eternal salvation and yet he was driven to immense sorrow. The Son of God, the one made perfect, suffered immensely and yet he did so because He loved his father. Jesus Christ, son of Mary, also knew happiness… but not the happiness or the joy we typically think of. He knew the profound happiness that demands obedience and sacrifice and leads to suffering. He knew that suffering would make him perfect and He offered this suffering to the only One who could save Him from death … His loving Father. He sacrificed the rewards of immediate, selfish, fleeting joy for everlasting, infinite happiness that is given through grace to all mankind. He understood that the negative aspects of life can be endured and offered up because God has eternal happiness in mind for Him.

Today we reflect on the Sorrow of Mary. This is a difficult memorial because we typically do not like to reflect on the sadness that Mary felt in her life. Yet in her lifetime Simeon prophesied that she would have to suffer greatly and this is evident we reflect on her life. She had to escape to Egypt with her newborn baby because King Herod wanted to kill Him and she must have tried to comprehend why someone would want to kill her defenseless baby. She was also brought to sorrow when she lost the Son of God somewhere in Jerusalem when he was only a child. And finally we are brought to the climax of human history… the crucifixion of Jesus. Mary had to witness her baby boy mistreated, abused, and killed even though she knew He was innocent. Yet in her lifetime she also has experienced joy and happiness. Emotions make us human.

Throughout her life she spent a lot of time with the Word of God and she knew it very well. The familiarity she found in the Word was eventually made flesh in her womb. Many times when raising Jesus she pondered in her heart what all of it meant. She continually spent time reflecting and meditating on the Word. She may not have known everything that she would suffer in her life, but she was familiar enough with the Word that she was able to follow the inspiration of God and act accordingly.

She followed Christ with great devotion and was at the foot of the Cross with Him at the end. The profound way in which she knew Christ made her sorrow that much more profound. She was the first disciple and a great example for us today. Nowadays an unbeliever could care less about Christ and would not think twice about how he was murdered, but one who is in an intimate relationship with Christ is sorrowful when reflecting on His passion even though we know that He rises from the dead on third day. All emotions are a gift from God. Emotions make life worth living. Striving to have happiness as our only emotion will eventually numb us from any emotion at all. The road to salvation is full of sorrow and struggle but if we are obedient to God we will be able to find the everlasting happiness that we all strive for in the deepness of our heart. So let us ask for the intercession of Mary, especially in the times that we are struggling and sad, and pray that we obtain the intimacy with Christ that she enjoyed. We can be confident that no matter what kind of sorrow and struggle that intimacy may entail God is preparing us a home in eternal life and in the mean time let us be sustained by the Eucharistic feast and give God thanks for all the emotions that we encounter in our lives.

Endurance = Patience Concentrated

Lent is over and we are now celebrating the Easter Season. The spirit of the liturgy here at seminary has been very powerful especially in the Octave of Easter. I just got back from my week break during Holy Week and it is truly as if a breath of fresh air has filled the air here at the seminary. Here in Indiana spring has hit full force making it harder for me to concentrate on my studies. I cannot believe I have less than one month left in my first year as a seminarian. Unfortunately, even though there is less than a month left, I have more papers, homework, and readings than I have had in previous years. This increase in the work load and the beautiful weather outside do not make a good combination for finding the motivation to end the year off strong academically. This semester has turned out to be one of the most challenging semesters I have ever had in my years in school. I have had to find a balance between hanging out with friends, praying, and doing my homework. The increased workload has pushed me to dedicate more time to my intellectual formation. I do not feel like I have learned a lot this semester, but I see in the papers I have done for philosophy that I am able to take a lot of the theories and make them applicable to my studies and life.

Here are the classes that I am taking this semester:

Medieval Philosophy: a study of the philosophers during the Middle Ages and philosophers from previous eras that made an impact in the way they thought.
Philosophy of Nature and Man: this course has described how philosophy has explained and examined nature and man since the Greeks (Aristotle) to modern psychology (B.F. Skinner). We have dealt with the writing of Aristotle, Aquinas, Rousseau, Sartre, and Skinner.
Human Development and Christian Maturity: this class is concerned with understanding maturity by learning theories of how we develop cognitively, emotionally, socially, spiritually and sexually throughout our life. We are gaining self-knowledge so that one day we will be able to give ourselves freely to priestly ministry.
Ecclesiastical Latin II: we have moved past learning about grammatical constructions of the language to applications through translation and reading liturgical documents.
Mary in the Liturgy: this class is concerned with seeing Mary’s role in the Church and especially during the liturgical year. We are presented with many views of Mary throughout the ages and use encyclicals and document of Vatican II to understand a devotion that is in line with Catholic teaching

Even though these classes have been very difficult I am happy that I am struggling through them. At times (more often than not) the subject material is over my head, but being exposed to it is helping me gain a respect and understanding for philosophy.

I ask for your prayers in these last few weeks of the semester. I am tempted to give into my ways of procrastination and abandon my school work for the pleasures of outdoor activities. This will not happen because even though I have a lot of work we do have plenty of free time to enjoy the the spring weather, but staying concentrated on the tasks at hand has definitely become more difficult.

Praying for you all!

Much Love,

William   

Lenten Reflection

Being present with Christ during Lent in the dryness of faith and temptation is very difficult. In this unpleasantness, a good, inspiring reflection is always welcomed. For me, yesterday's Second Reading in the Office of Readings was exactly what I needed to end this Lent right. I hope you are challenged and given hope by this Reflection from a document during the Second Vatican Council. 

**update of my life, as of late, soon to come**

Saturday 24^th, 2012 “Office of Readings” – Gaudium et spes, nn. 37-38(Second Vatican Council)

Sacred Scripture teaches the human family what the experience of the ages confirms: that while human progress is a great advantage to man, it brings with it a strong temptation. For when the order of values is jumbled and bad is mixed with the good, individuals and groups pay heed solely to their own interests, and not to those of others. Thus it happens that the world ceases to be a place of true brotherhood. In our own day, the magnified power of humanity threatens to destroy the race itself.

For a monumental struggle against the powers of darkness pervades the whole history of man. The battle was joined from the very origins of the world and will continue until the last day, as the Lord has attested. Caught in this conflict, man is obliged to wrestle constantly if he is to cling to what is good, nor can he achieve his own integrity without great efforts and the help of God's grace.That is why Christ's Church, trusting in the design of the Creator, acknowledges that human progress can serve man's true happiness, yet she cannot help echoing the Apostle's warning: "Be not conformed to this world" (Rom. 12:2). Here by the world is meant that spirit of vanity and malice which transforms into an instrument of sin those human energies intended for the service of God and man.

Hence if anyone wants to know how this unhappy situation can be overcome, Christians will tell him that all human activity, constantly imperiled by man's pride and deranged self-love, must be purified and perfected by the power of Christ's cross and resurrection. For redeemed by Christ and made a new creature in the Holy Spirit, man is able to love the things themselves created by God, and ought to do so. He can receive them from God and respect and reverence them as flowing constantly from the hand of God. Grateful to his Benefactor for these creatures, using and enjoying them in detachment and liberty of spirit, man is led forward into a true possession of them, as having nothing, yet possessing all things. "All are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's" (1 Cor. 3:22-23).

For God's Word, through Whom all things were made, was Himself made flesh and dwelt on the earth of men. Thus He entered the world's history as a perfect man, taking that history up into Himself and summarizing it. He Himself revealed to us that "God is love" (1 John 4:8) and at the same time taught us that the new command of love was the basic law of human perfection and hence of the worlds transformation.
To those, therefore, who believe in divine love, He gives assurance that the way of love lies open to men and that the effort to establish a universal brotherhood is not a hopeless one. He cautions them at the same time that this charity is not something to be reserved for important matters, but must be pursued chiefly in the ordinary circumstances of life. Undergoing death itself for all of us sinners, He taught us by example that we too must shoulder that cross which the world and the flesh inflict upon those who search after peace and justice. Appointed Lord by His resurrection and given plenary power in heaven and on earth, Christ is now at work in the hearts of men through the energy of His Holy Spirit, arousing not only a desire for the age to come, but by that very fact animating, purifying and strengthening those noble longings too by which the human family makes its life more human and strives to render the whole earth submissive to this goal.

Now, the gifts of the Spirit are diverse: while He calls some to give clear witness to the desire for a heavenly home and to keep that desire green among the human family, He summons others to dedicate themselves to the earthly service of men and to make ready the material of the celestial realm by this ministry of theirs. Yet He frees all of them so that by putting aside love of self and bringing all earthly resources into the service of human life they can devote themselves to that future when humanity itself will become an offering accepted by God.

The Lord left behind a pledge of this hope and strength for life's journey in that sacrament of faith where natural elements refined by man are gloriously changed into His Body and Blood, providing a meal of brotherly solidarity and a foretaste of the heavenly banquet.

"... and the truth will set you free" Jn 8:32

So the semester has officially begun: it started with Mass and a formal dinner Wednesday night. Bishop Paprocki, Bishop of Springfield, IL, presided at Mass and gave a talk after dinner about the responsibility priest and seminarians have for promoting vocations to the priesthood and religious life for both men and women. This is most fundamentally and persuasively done, he explained, in the way we live our lives of faith each day but there must be action that comes from this faithful lifestyle. He challenged us to speak about religious vocations more often and to help others realize that just as the apostles were individually and personally called to follow Christ we too have this personal calling to a specific vocation in which we can transform the world for the better. We will only be able to properly hear and respond to this call if we can find beauty in all forms of vocations (married, single, & religious lives), devoutly listen to God in prayer, and become open enough with ourselves to truthfully discern the vocation God is calling us to.

            The festivities on Wednesday night were also special because for the first time since the end of last semester all the seminarians were back at St. Meinrad. During January, after our J-term classes, we make a trip to Washington D.C, to participate in the Walk for Life and then we go on retreats that are specific for each class.

            This was my first time to go to D.C. and it was a great experience. I was able to get to know my fellow seminarians better and to support life during The March which seems to be an issue that is becoming attacked and threatened more and more each day. A surprise and highlight of my trip was meeting up with some friends from UCA who came to the March for Life with a group of college students from Fayetteville, AR and even though it was a short visit I really enjoyed the time I got to spend with them. The turnout for The March was not officially tallied but it was estimated to have exceeded 300,000 people and the amount of youth that were involved was amazing and inspiring. The rest of the time was spent going to see the popular monuments and churches, namely the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, around D.C. and relaxing with friends.

            My favorite place in D.C. was the National Shrine and if you have not been or seen pictures of it before than a I will give a brief explanation that does not give it justice: It is a huge Basilica with many side altars that are dedicated to the different devotions to Mary (Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, etc.). It is one of the most beautiful churches I have ever been to but while looking at the hundreds of statues of Mary and seeing people praying in front of many of them my thoughts ran along the lines of “I can see why non-Catholics say that we worship Mary” and it left me very unsettled. But after a little time to reflect on this I came to the beautiful realization that every time we see Mary or pray to her then there is Jesus ever-present with her. Whatever we present to her is then given to her Son and how could Jesus be displeased with this offering from her mother when His 4^th commandment to us is “Honor thy Father and Mother.”

            After our trip to D.C. my class, 1^st Philosophy, immediately went to our retreat near Lexington, KY. Fr. Denis, our rector, led the retreat and the theme was “Considering Your Call” which dealt with the responsibilities and lifestyle of the priest by taking a detailed look at Traditions and resolves promised in the Rite of Ordination of both deacons and priests. This retreat focused us on not only understanding what the life of the priest is like but a challenge to begin working toward this lifestyle now in the seminary because the graces received at ordination will not magically fix our problems. We were challenged to become servants for our fellow seminarians and to continually strive to conform our lives to Christ. This retreat has left me with many healthy doubts that I will need to face while here at the seminary pertaining to my vocation to the priesthood. I am now challenged to use this semester to the fullest in my commitment to my studies and in growing closer to Christ through the Sacraments and my time in prayer.

            Lastly, I wanted to touch on the topic of the recent HHS Mandate which the Bishops around the country are fighting to overturn because of its blow to religious freedom and the situation in which the Susan G. Komen Charity planned to stop donating to Planned Parenthood and then half a week later announced that they would in fact continue their support. I am mentioning these issues because they have left me bewildered about the state of our nation and have forced many Americans to become involved in the issues that seem to have been brewing under the surface of our nation for many years. I feel we have hit a point in our nation’s history where we must show our support for life, at all stages of development. We must do this by standing up for what we believe in and being proactive in the support of our belief. In our actions we must continually be led by the example of Christ who is our Truth. This Truth will set us free and we will bring the darkness of our culture to the Light in which society will finally be able to see the darkness as it truly is: The absence of Love. Even though I have felt as if I can’t make a difference by myself I know I must continue to do what I can (mainly praying for change) and then live with faith and hope in God’s goodness.

Much Love,

William

New Year, Same Goal

Returning to the seminary after break has been bitter-sweet. On the one hand, I was happy to see all my friends here on the hill and get into the routine of life that is guided by the tolling of the bells every quarter hour but I did not want to give up my relaxing break and the quality time I spent with friends and family and still yet there were many people I unfortunately did not get to see.  As of last week though, I am now fully unpacked and accustomed to the rhythm of life here once again. Last Sunday, the water main in the town broke and after we depleted the remains of the water tower we were on a mandatory water boil from Monday to Wednesday. You never know how much water you drink until it is on limited supply! Don’t worry, all the seminarians survived because of the awesome kitchen staff who kept a fresh supply of boiled water in the dining room.

I have noticed my lack of posting as of late and would like to update you on one of the big events that happened at the end of last semester. All 140 seminarians volunteered at the National Catholic Youth Conference (NCYC) which was held in Indianapolis at the end of November. This was an amazing experience because there were 24,000 youth there from around the nation. We all had various volunteering jobs from directing the lines of people going to confession to helping the youth find the rooms in the convention center but our most important job was to show the youth that seminarians are actually ordinary people. I ran into a few groups who didn’t know who/what a seminarian was and it was interesting to see the range of reactions they had when I explained that I was discerning to become a priest but it always led to good conversation.     

Now I am currently in my second week of J-Term classes which are 2 week classes during January that are normally geared toward learning skills that a priest might not learn in his typical classes such as cooking, finances, and health/ fitness but they also have classes that are meant to deepen your understanding of pivotal parts of the priesthood such as spirituality and the celibate life. In 1^st Philosophy we have spirituality in the morning for 2 hours and Chant/Sacred Music for 2 hours in the afternoon. The good part about J-Term is that there are no grades and minimal homework assignments so everyone is enjoying socializing during breaks and in the evening.

On Saturday morning we made a pilgrimage to Monte Cassino, a small chapel on the top of a hill outside of the town. Here is the story from the Saint Meinrad Achabbey website that explains this pilgrimage that has been going on for over 130 years:

The dedication of the new chapel nurtured local piety. When an epidemic of smallpox threatened the area in the winter of 1871, the community was quick to turn to Our Lady of Monte Cassino. The first cases of smallpox broke out before Christmas. Several in the village had died and, during the holidays, four persons became infected at Saint Meinrad. As more cases of the disease were discovered, the worst was feared.

On January 5, all the students who could walk went on a pilgrimage to Monte Cassino, where a solemn votive Mass was offered. The pilgrimage was repeated on the last day of the novena (January 13). Since the novena was begun, not a single case of smallpox broke out. In thanksgiving, Saint Meinrad students make a pilgrimage to Monte Cassino each year around January 13

This was a solemn walk in which we lined up in groups of two saying the rosary and walked the rest of the way in silence to Monte Cassino where we ended with Mass. The temperature starting out the walk was 22 degrees and the chapel, with the small heater on, was up to 44 degrees.

I am looking forward to a fun but trying semester but one in which I know will be full of blessings. Thanks to everyone for your prayers and support for me I can’t explain how much it means to me. All I know is that each and every prayer sent my way is giving me that extra encouragement that I continually need. I am returning the favor by praying for you too!

Hope your 2012 is full of blessings, peace, and joy!

Much love,

William

The World I Know

Life here has not changed much since last I wrote. I am still really enjoying all that I am experiencing here but classes have been getting more intense and it is about time for a relaxing break. It is amazing how fast this semester has flown by. I already have received my schedule for next semester and I have 1 more week of classes and finals week and then I am finished with my first semester here in the seminary. The biggest changes that have occurred in the past few months are that I received a new ministry spot an hour away from the seminary (in Evansville, IN) and three seminarians (upper year) have discerned out.

First I will try to describe the difficult process of discerning out. This is a constant presence in the seminary and it can happen at any time. This is hard for the seminarian discerning out, his close friends, and the whole community. All of the guys that discerned out have sent e-mails explaining their situation and when they will be leaving. Each time this happens and I witness someone discern out it centers my mind on the purpose that we are all here – to figure out if becoming a priest is God’s vocation for our lives. I always pray for those who discern out because I know it is hard to leave and I cannot imagine the emotion that is involved in that decision. What I do see are the reactions of their close friends. You can clearly tell that it is very hard for them, but at the same time they seem to be able to cope with it by understanding that ultimately it is God’s calling us to this vocation and not our personal motivation. Since I have not known those who have discerned out very well it seems to be an occasion for reflection on where I am in my discernment. It is a reality check of sorts and as of now I know that I am in the right place.

As for my ministry spot: a couple of weeks ago I was assigned a parish to observe for the rest of my year in 1^st philosophy. I will be working with 2 fellow classmates to find out the “culture” of the parish and present our findings at the end of the year. We were assigned to St. Theresa’s Parish in Evansville, IN. It will be interesting to see what we find, but most importantly it will help if we ever become pastors of a new parish. The whole reason for this assignment is to try to simulate what it would be like to get to know a parish as a new pastor. We are going to be getting involved in every aspect of the church and school and learn how they function as a community. By learning their “culture” we would then be able to be better pastors for them. This ministry is just another example of how every aspect of our lives here should be directed toward becoming a better priest for the future.

Ending on a bright/touching note I want to describe a seminarian that has become a role model for me during my first few months here. This seminarian is blind and has the visibility of a small pen hole. When he got to St. Meinrad a few years ago someone had to teach him how to get around the school by memorizing the number of steps it takes to get to specific places. Now he is preparing the vestments for the priest and preparing the sanctuary for daily Mass which in itself is a miracle to me. He has a great sense of humor, he is very nice, and has a special affection toward trains. He is a great witness to me every day I see him but recently he nearly brought me to tears because he altar served at Mass. It was an inexpressible moment but very touching to see someone be so humble and courageous.

He has challenged me to live my life differently and it reminds me to live life like a quote from The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen:

“It requires choosing for the light even when there is much darkness to frighten me, choosing for life even when the forces of death are so visible, and choosing for the truth even when I am surrounded by lies”

So I hope those who read this are changed by his witness also. Let us turn next week into a joyous time of thanks for all the gifts we have. I pray that everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving no matter where you are and that you choose to bask in the light, choose life to the fullest, and choose to live in the Truth.

Much love,

William Burmester

Piano & Faith: The Frustration (of trying)

Learning the piano as well as the journey in faith (closer to God) is full of frustration. A sense of knowing where you want to be (perfection and excellence) and at the same time struggling with something you deem elementary such as not playing the key you meant to because you do not have coordination in your stubborn fingers or your prayer time does not result in a feeling or inspiration that was expected before the time of prayer began. A lot of this “frustration” is evident and found in our desire to be perfect and to reach perfection in all that we set our mind to.

In no stage is this desire to be perfect and our actual ability more divergent than that of a novice, a mere beginner. For this reason, this is where you see most people give up before they begin. They see the excellent examples of saints and world famous composers and pianist and the beginner begins to doubt if ever they will reach this level of excellence. They see what they assume as innate perfection and begin to get overwhelmed, stop practicing, avoid their teachers/priests, and worst of all lose the desire to want to excel in what at one time they were so passionate about and had some dream of enjoying.

These first steps are where usually people decide to settle with crawling for the rest of their life rather than learn to walk because the suffering endured blinds them not only of the possibility of improving but the benefits and enjoyment that will be actualized through the trials and even their mistakes through practice. What is difficult for me to realize is the reality of difficulty that one goes through to be great. All of the practice, doubt, anger, frustration, joy, progress, and achievement that went on in the life of an “expert” before they became the person we admire now. No, I want to complain continuously about the easiness they had in their growth because they did it when they were younger or they posses some innate quality to be excellent. This complaint does not even consider the fact that these "experts" do make mistakes and they are not as perfect as I have idealized them in my head.

I normally try to quickly master some trick or trade which always results in failure. You can see evidence of this when you see someone become really passionate about a certain activity and they exert all energies to mastering it and then nonchalantly move on to something else in a few weeks if they had not perfectly learned it yet. Unfortunately, for beginners, frustration is a key motivator for quitting. It is the fuel of unfinished dreams and low self esteem because the one who quits does not forget that he gave up on what he put his mind to, but it drives him to find something that he can master with ease: But as we know from experience nothing in life comes easy!

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine

Life here in the seminary has become one weekly routine after another. Of course there are many things different about each week but I seem to have gotten use to the sudden changes of my first experience of seminary life. It always amazes me how quickly one can adapt to a totally new and different situation in life only after being thrown into the change some weeks before. I am still very busy and have been stressed out over class assignments, but now it is not overshadowed by an anxiety of trying to adapt to a new place.

My week in general consist of communal Morning Prayer, classes, Mass, lunch, spiritual direction (biweekly) piano lessons (weekly), holy hour, dinner and communal Evening Prayer. For any communal activities, including meals, we are required to wear slacks and collared shirts which took me a while to get accustomed to because I was stubborn but mainly lazy and did not want to spend the time dressing up every day.

Morning Prayer consists of Liturgy of the Hours which is typical anytime we pray in community. Something that is done here that I have not experienced before is they sing the psalms during the prayer. This is very cool, especially when you have 100+ men the psalms in unison. Unfortunately, since I typically get up at 7:53am for 8am prayer I have no time to stretch out my vocal cords which leaves me trying to sing properly but in reality I squawk the Morning Prayer to the best of my ability.

Classes then start at 8:30am every weekday except for Wednesday which is a day set apart for ministry. I am taking 12 hours of classes and the schedule looks like this:

Monday & Thursday –  8:30-9:45 Logical Analysis

                               10:00-11:15 Ancient Philosophy

Tuesday & Friday—    8:30-9:45 Introduction to the Creed

                               10:00-11:15 Ecclesiastical Latin

The classes do not require too much homework, but there is a ton of reading to do and the material is difficult to comprehend. As for Latin, studying Spanish has helped me out with the terminology of the language, but it is difficult to say the least. The reason it is unusually difficult is because I tend to want to bring my knowledge of Spanish to Latin which does not work  and not only do you have to conjugate verbs (change their ending depending on the subject(s)) but I have to learn to decline nouns and adjectives as well which needless to say requires much studying.

After classes, we have Mass at 11:30 which is always a highlight of my day. Most days I am distracted and do not fully participate at Mass, but there is always some point during Mass that gives me a sense that I am in the right place. Mass is followed by lunch and, for me since I have no elective classes, an afternoon free to do homework, play sports, and hang out. I begin my holy hour at 4:30 followed by communal Evening Prayer (which by this time of the day consist of less squawking and more singing), dinner and a free evening.

As I mentioned, I am going to spiritual direction biweekly with Fr. Bede and this has helped me out greatly. Usually during the week, I go into prayer and feel unchanged by the end of my prayer time to help with this Fr. Bede has challenged me to journal. Day to day I do not see much progress in my relationship with God however in my meetings with Fr. Bede I see how significantly God is working in my life and I begin to see a direction God is calling me to follow in order to become a better person. All this is realized mainly because I vocally describe my prayer life to Fr. Bede while he listens and aspects are highlighted that pinpoint important theme in my life of the previous weeks. During the meetings, Fr. Bede usually only says something when he feels it is necessary or if I as a question.

Lastly, I decided to take music lessons from a Franciscan Nun who is in charge of the liturgical music for the seminary. I have always wanted to learn and now is a better time than ever.  I am going to post a reflection about the similarities of learning to play the piano with the faith life. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying life.

Praying for you daily!

Much love,

William  

In the Beginning...

My purpose in writing this blog is to inform all of those that I know and love of the happenings in my days here at Saint Meinrad School of Theology. I am only beginning this endeavor a few weeks later than expected (due to the drastic change in my schedule and the gradual process of getting accustomed to my new environment) and yet I feel overwhelmed because of all of the things I want to let you know about my life.

First of all, I am doing well and really enjoying it up here. This type of life is very hectic at times because of classes, meetings, mandatory sit-down meals, mass, liturgy of the hours, spiritual directions, sports, and meeting new friends but I have felt closer to God here due to the daily connection I have to the sacraments and general encouragement from the community to always put prayer before all else. I am in a very nice room with a view into the courtyard and private bathroom which unfortunately has had both a leak from the ceiling and a crack in the floor of the shower (don’t worry everything is good now). 

They call the location of the campus “The Hill” because it is the highest part of the city with many hill around it. This location provides for beautiful landscape to go on a scenic run or prayerful walk. Classes have been very challenging but it makes me concentrate more on my study habits so that I keep up in the classes. This is the first time I have been taught by priest and it has been very beneficial to see them in action. The seminary is run by Benedictine monks founded by St. Meinrad in the mid- 19^th century. Interestingly these specific monks are the ones that founded Subiaco Abbey in Arkansas.

I feel like this is the first time in a while I have been freed from a lot of responsibility that I am use to due to the fact that I am a first year student (I know this will change shortly) so I am taking full advantage of Basketball (Tuesdays & Fridays), Volleyball (Mondays), Soccer (Sundays), and the occasional ultimate Frisbee games. Do not worry I have a couple of golf courses to choose from around here so I can still get my golf fix. There are around 140 seminarians here on “The Hill” and it took me a while, due to my normal college experience, to realize that everyone here is trying to become holy in their own special way and everyone is open to help and to be helped.

Last but not least my phone situation! Walking up to St. Meinrad for the first time from the guest house (500 yards away) two things happened as I was watching my phone. First, half way to the seminary my time jumped up an hour because, little did I know, I had just walked into the eastern time zone because the seminary is built on the line that separates the eastern and central time zones. Come to figure out everything at the seminary follows central time. Secondly, I am pretty sure the monks have a device set up in the seminary to block cell phone service because from the guest house (Full service on my cell phone)  I lost one bar every 100 yards I walked until I had none left when I reached my room. Needless to say I am learning the spots in the seminary where I have service which are few and far between.

To end I wanted to let you know that there is still more I want to write about my first few weeks but for the sake of getting something up while at the same time not overloading everyone one with information this will have to do.  I will try to post something every few weeks while also putting up some reflections I have written. I hope all are doing well! I am praying for everyone and please pray for me!!!

Much Love,

William

p.s.-- if there are any special intentions to pray for please let me know and I can get the community here to pray for it as well